Friends With Benefits

We all have insecurities that affect our personal lives because of what has happened to us in the past or what we are going through presently. The usual way we try to overcome our insecurities is to either search for a way out, a balance or to be selfish by making others suffer for our flaws. In most relationships, insecurities develop into lack of trust and since trust is the bedrock of any lasting relationship, its deficiency always leads to the dissolution of most relationships. This is mainly because in our relationships, real love is fast becoming extinct as we no longer desire to listen to any “sermonizing” that could make our love lives, pleasant engagements.

The topic above is a saddening issue that gives me a headache and a serious heartburn. I do not consider myself as exactly chaste as I hate to seem sanctimonious but I hardly do things I look back on regretfully but I do a lot for love. I kid you not when I say that 85% of the guys in my life and those in my friends’ lives are not interested in a mutually-beneficial relationship anymore. Initially, when they meet you, it’s very lucid that they care about you in some ways but with time, that intense commitment, attention, passion and sweetness becomes absent. Now, I’m naturally too scared to meet new guys because they have all turned into Sexually Starved Schmucks!!!

Recently, I met this tall handsome working-class guy {very hard to find these days} and it was so obvious that we have got this amazing chemistry as we love to hang out together frequently. We drive out to the movies, shopping malls, clubs and even church together and you would assume we have got something special going on. The problem is that he has not asked me out officially which was my main cause of astonishment when I suddenly saw his luscious lips just a breath away from mine some days ago. I was typically repulsed by his show of whatever form of affection that was, because as far as I was concerned, I was just a friend to him. Am i missing something? Do natural friends kiss now?

I know that people who are just friends do not stick their tongues down each other's throats except they are french or sth, lol, and my not reciprocating in a lip lock was an ideal time for this dude to bare his feelings for me, well that is, if he even feels a tinge of emotion at all. Seriously, this is a good-looking mature dude who was too scared or maybe self-centered, self-absorbed, proud, arrogant or nonchalant to commit to a productive relationship and to one lady, especially one who has been so expectant, {wink! Wink!}. So I asked him about his love life so far and he gave me a heart-wrenching saga about a girl who he truly loved but who broke his heart into irreparable fragments.

Fine, I admit what the girl did to him was horrific but like I always say, this is no reason for any guy to generalize, I mean, why lose hope? Why become so shallow and unfeeling? Just because you are hurting does not mean you have to hurt others by acting so insensate. The point is that you guys become so ridiculously hardened after certain ordeals that you look right past and through your “forever girl” when she eventually comes around.

I also strongly blame the ladies because most of us are giving lots of guys the impression that we do not mind the detachment they express in relationships. I am saying this because some time later, I saw the said guy with some chick when I was passing in a car and I sent him a text immediately. He called later in the day {when he was done} and even though he refrained from saying it directly, he made sure I got to know that he had just finished “doing” the stupid chick when I had spotted them earlier. He also said it in a way that implied this “see what you are missing? Everybody is getting some”.

If a guy does not commit to you in everything, why should you sleep with him especially when you know he might be sharing the same intimacy with someone else in some few hours time? It is this bad; I know guys who confide in me and say that they are also doing the ladies a favor because everyone has got the “itch” they need someone else to “scratch”. What itch? What scratch? Sometimes they talk with such frankness that I feel like I am missing out on something very fantastic. It is even like people forget about STDs or the all-encompassing AIDS these days and don’t you dare mention condoms to me because I’ve been told that guys find condoms a barrier to the real utmost pleasure. During that heat period, most people forget {purposefully} to protect themselves, even still protection is not a full guarantee.

Guys find it too stressful to do the usual gentlemanly thing by having just one partner in their lives and the saddening fact is that ladies have resorted to doing the same just to spite the men. How do you sleep with a guy who does not get to call you the next day just to check up on you? How do you feel when you know he is having it on with someone else? How do you recover when you see that person? How do you cope when you know he only calls you when he has got the infamous itch? Where is your dignity? Because even though guys equate dignity with pride, they like it in a woman. Truthfully, Friends With Benefits is really Friends Without Brains!

Craving for ephemeral moments of pleasure at the expense of something more beautiful in the future is an epic mistake. Since you are friends with other mutual friends, you could cause some serious pains, regret, hatred and loss. Some people say it just happened, yeah, sometimes friends with benefits just crops up but when you know you have feelings for someone , try not to put yourself in a compromising cleft stick especially when you have no self-control. If you really cherish that friendship, you will not want to jeopardize it because trust me, things will never ever be the same after going all the way. Personally, I think it is very disrespectful and condescending when a guy assumes he is deserving of passionate reception from you without wanting to do the right thing.

Friends Without Brains is just wrong, so wrong, you guys just lose respect for each other after the sordid act and more importantly lose the enduring impact you could have made in one another’s lives. Ladies, please up your status, you are no means of release for rabid guys and stop encouraging our men to be irresponsible. As for you guys, well, you always start everything, so we will keep hoping. Ish!!!
Your comments are duly appreciated!