OUR PARENTS: OUR ENEMIES, OUR FRIENDS

As there are different families, there are different relationships within them as well. There are some families where the mother is the favourite while other families prefer the father. The favourite parent is usually the more indulgent and lenient one who allows the children to stay up late, who buys gifts on the way home, who lets some wrongs go unpunished, who shields the children from getting whooped by the other parent most times and who prefers to let the children be children.

Mummy spanks

In my own home, while we were growing up, the favourite parent was Daddy because we hardly saw him, so his presence was always welcome. Mum was the one we saw everytime and she would wipe the floor with our asses everytime we did something wrong, she would not allow us wear the dresses we wanted to, she expected a particular form of behaviour from us when we were in front of strangers, she did not want us to go and watch cartoons with the neighbour's kids and woe betides you if you dared to eat in the neighbour's house. In fact, we would beg Daddy not to take Mummy with us whenever we were going out to places so we could run around as much as we liked.

We all remember something we once did when we were young that was rewarded with strokes of cain, in fact, some of us still have faded scars. I remember we used to joke back then whenever anyone of us gets into trouble, we would say "24 strokes niyen o". But this was when things changed, when the favourite parent became Mummy as sometimes in the family, there is usually a twist. As we grew older, Mummy relaxed, Daddy then took over the disciplinarian part. We were to go to bed by 9pm after prayers or it was 24 strokes of cain. We were to wake up by 5am and never go back to sleep or you will jog round the Estate. We were not to leave the house without reporting properly where we were off to, the house chores must be done as soon as you wake up, you must not watch the television before and after a particular time, we were not to talk sassy to an adult and you are finished if any adult comes to complain about you in the house, the best advice is for you to just pack out before my father reacts.

I recall when I and my two sisters did not make the necessary cut-off mark in Jamb exam because we did not see it as a big deal as our education was very swift. Daddy was appalled and disappointed, we on the other hand could not understand why he was making such a big fuss about it, Jamb can be written again next year jare. Out of his anger, Dad forbade us to watch television at all, this time, there is no limited time, do not even glance at the television at all! Is it not funny how television used to be so important in those days? Telling us not to watch TV was like the punishment of the Century. Anyways, we did not listen to Daddy o, he installed a password in the TV, we cracked it and continued to watch TV whenever he was not home. We would take turns in ensuring that the door was locked so Daddy does not walk in on us infringing his laws. On a fateful day, someone forgot to lock the door as we usually do during the 007 TV time, we were watching an Indian movie that day and it was such an emotional film as usual which was making us cry as we were moved by the events of the movie. We had no idea we were soon going to see the true meaning of crying. Our Dad walked in on us that day breaking his rules.

Daddy spanks even harder

He tip-toed into the living room and said in an action voice "Three of you, just stay like that o, do not even move a muscle" then he left for his room to pray. We all looked at one another with fear in our eyes, the way prisoners who were about to face the firing squad would look if their eyes were not covered. My eldest sister, the most cunning person I know, ran into the bedroom to wear double trousers in preparation for the epic whooping that was about to serenade our buttocks. Our Daddy came out of his room and the torture began in Russian style. He said "you guys failed Jamb and you can still watch TV? My friend's daughter failed Jamb too but she was so distraught that she has been admitted in the hospital! You people are not even remorseful at all!"

That day, my eldest sister on the orders of my father who was seated calmly, whooped my elder sister, my elder sister whooped my eldest sister back then whooped me and I whooped my elder sister back. That was my father's style, he was never in the military, I do not know where he learned that kind of ass-whooping strategy. After we had plastered ourselves, we were sent to the bedroom to sleep and have nightmares of masquerades chasing us. The next day, we laughed hard about it as we recalled the event and how each one of us cried, we also recalled that we were crying while watching an Indian movie, not knowing that real tears was on its way.

Today, we are all living in our own apartments, our eyes have opened, it must open when you start to pay rent. We sometimes sit together to reminisce and sincerely, we miss our youth, cain or no cain. We miss the sheltered life which was the benefit of living with our parents, we miss someone calling us to ask where we were, we miss someone cautioning us about life, we miss the free food, we miss the fights, we miss the make-ups. The days when we were under our parents will continue to be the best period of our lives, there were sweet times and there were those other times but nothing beats the love of a parent. Those of you still living with your parents and you are in your twenties, cherish every single second because you are very lucky, you may not know this. I miss living with my parents and being a child. One time, they are our friends, the next there are our frenemies but no one else can ever love us the way that they do. May God continually bless all of our parents in Jesus name. Amen.

Please share your most memorable punishment with your Mum and Dad.

We all later passed Jamb sha, lol