TUFACE: SOON TO BE SNATCHED FROM ANNIE MACAULAY!

Ever since this lady got married to the man who so many ladies in Nigeria seriously pine for, I have tried to be very patient for her to step up into some form of her own class but she seems to be good at letting people down. For someone married to a popular and rich man, she does not look the part at all. Starting from her skin, her body and her dress sense, she just does not meet expectations at all.

Excuse me but being married to Tu-face Idibia will surely put you in the limelight, so can you at least try to give us something pleasant to look at? We all know that fire is always dancing in Tu-face's boxers and if he goes home everyday to a drab woman after seeing so many beautiful women in the line of work, will he be able to stay faithful as he has promised?

Have you guys seen Tu-face's back-up singer? She is hot! Way hotter than Annie Macaulay. The back-up singer was at Top Ten Mics with the musician and almost stole the shine from Tuface as she continued to gyrate, twist and wine while singing sonorously on the stage. These are the kind of women Tuface works with and surely his other baby mamas are taking good care of themselves too, so Annie, you had better be careful and step up your game. Do not be too relaxed, there has been major competition before now and there will continue to be, at least, do not allow Tuface to start second-guessing his ultimate decision! 

Will you take a look at this mess? (bella Naija pix)

RIHANNA & KATY PERRY FIGHT!!

The Barbados song-stress is currently at loggerheads with her friend Katy Perry all because of man issues. Rihanna and Katy are good friends as Rihanna partied with Katy Perry when the star was getting married to Russel Brand. Now, the two friends do not see eye to eye anymore. The reason being that Katy Perry along with the whole world does not approve of Rihanna's relationship with the guy that beat her black and blue in 2009, Chris Brown.

Rihanna got defensive and fired back at Katy Perry's man John Mayer who is also known as a sleazeball who is not mature and has dated so many women in Hollywood. So these two friends do not approve of their men and the bad blood continues to thicken. Well, what can we say? Maybe successful and beautiful women have very bad taste in men altogether!

OUR PARENTS: OUR ENEMIES, OUR FRIENDS

As there are different families, there are different relationships within them as well. There are some families where the mother is the favourite while other families prefer the father. The favourite parent is usually the more indulgent and lenient one who allows the children to stay up late, who buys gifts on the way home, who lets some wrongs go unpunished, who shields the children from getting whooped by the other parent most times and who prefers to let the children be children.

Mummy spanks

In my own home, while we were growing up, the favourite parent was Daddy because we hardly saw him, so his presence was always welcome. Mum was the one we saw everytime and she would wipe the floor with our asses everytime we did something wrong, she would not allow us wear the dresses we wanted to, she expected a particular form of behaviour from us when we were in front of strangers, she did not want us to go and watch cartoons with the neighbour's kids and woe betides you if you dared to eat in the neighbour's house. In fact, we would beg Daddy not to take Mummy with us whenever we were going out to places so we could run around as much as we liked.

We all remember something we once did when we were young that was rewarded with strokes of cain, in fact, some of us still have faded scars. I remember we used to joke back then whenever anyone of us gets into trouble, we would say "24 strokes niyen o". But this was when things changed, when the favourite parent became Mummy as sometimes in the family, there is usually a twist. As we grew older, Mummy relaxed, Daddy then took over the disciplinarian part. We were to go to bed by 9pm after prayers or it was 24 strokes of cain. We were to wake up by 5am and never go back to sleep or you will jog round the Estate. We were not to leave the house without reporting properly where we were off to, the house chores must be done as soon as you wake up, you must not watch the television before and after a particular time, we were not to talk sassy to an adult and you are finished if any adult comes to complain about you in the house, the best advice is for you to just pack out before my father reacts.

I recall when I and my two sisters did not make the necessary cut-off mark in Jamb exam because we did not see it as a big deal as our education was very swift. Daddy was appalled and disappointed, we on the other hand could not understand why he was making such a big fuss about it, Jamb can be written again next year jare. Out of his anger, Dad forbade us to watch television at all, this time, there is no limited time, do not even glance at the television at all! Is it not funny how television used to be so important in those days? Telling us not to watch TV was like the punishment of the Century. Anyways, we did not listen to Daddy o, he installed a password in the TV, we cracked it and continued to watch TV whenever he was not home. We would take turns in ensuring that the door was locked so Daddy does not walk in on us infringing his laws. On a fateful day, someone forgot to lock the door as we usually do during the 007 TV time, we were watching an Indian movie that day and it was such an emotional film as usual which was making us cry as we were moved by the events of the movie. We had no idea we were soon going to see the true meaning of crying. Our Dad walked in on us that day breaking his rules.

Daddy spanks even harder

He tip-toed into the living room and said in an action voice "Three of you, just stay like that o, do not even move a muscle" then he left for his room to pray. We all looked at one another with fear in our eyes, the way prisoners who were about to face the firing squad would look if their eyes were not covered. My eldest sister, the most cunning person I know, ran into the bedroom to wear double trousers in preparation for the epic whooping that was about to serenade our buttocks. Our Daddy came out of his room and the torture began in Russian style. He said "you guys failed Jamb and you can still watch TV? My friend's daughter failed Jamb too but she was so distraught that she has been admitted in the hospital! You people are not even remorseful at all!"

That day, my eldest sister on the orders of my father who was seated calmly, whooped my elder sister, my elder sister whooped my eldest sister back then whooped me and I whooped my elder sister back. That was my father's style, he was never in the military, I do not know where he learned that kind of ass-whooping strategy. After we had plastered ourselves, we were sent to the bedroom to sleep and have nightmares of masquerades chasing us. The next day, we laughed hard about it as we recalled the event and how each one of us cried, we also recalled that we were crying while watching an Indian movie, not knowing that real tears was on its way.

Today, we are all living in our own apartments, our eyes have opened, it must open when you start to pay rent. We sometimes sit together to reminisce and sincerely, we miss our youth, cain or no cain. We miss the sheltered life which was the benefit of living with our parents, we miss someone calling us to ask where we were, we miss someone cautioning us about life, we miss the free food, we miss the fights, we miss the make-ups. The days when we were under our parents will continue to be the best period of our lives, there were sweet times and there were those other times but nothing beats the love of a parent. Those of you still living with your parents and you are in your twenties, cherish every single second because you are very lucky, you may not know this. I miss living with my parents and being a child. One time, they are our friends, the next there are our frenemies but no one else can ever love us the way that they do. May God continually bless all of our parents in Jesus name. Amen.

Please share your most memorable punishment with your Mum and Dad.

We all later passed Jamb sha, lol

BEAUTIFUL CHIDINMA

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I've always been indifferent to Chidinma Ekile who won the Season 3 of Project Fame as I saw her as young and sheltered. But recently, she has managed to shed that image portrayed during her stay in the Project Fame House. I can remember someone saying that Chidinma auditioned for the show dressed in a very "churchy" ankara outfit and that she must be from a strict home which means she's very lucky that Project Fame changed her life. Watching her sing on the show was always a pleasant experience because of her beautiful features but today, Chidinma is even more attractive and mature. I saw this picture of her and just fell in love with her, it is so ethereal and it took a while for me to recognize her. She shaved her head and developed a more daring attitude which she displayed in a rap music video. We heard she's dating that Soundcity guy, Adams who claims he's 24 but looks 35, we hope she is ready for what the spotlight does to a relationship. I remember been glad not exactly much that she won Project Fame at the time not because she was my favourite on the show but because she broke the streak of men winning the show after Iyanya and Mike. She was the first female to win on the show and the trend has continued so far. Meanwhile, I hope her relationship is not holding her back as she is yet to bring out another single that will keep her relevant considering the fickle nature of fame in the Nigerian music industry.

RIHANNA IS MISSING!!!

Rihanna has been missing for a while now, the authorities have been trying to hide it from the public! Alright, just kidding! Rihanna was on a big tour called 777 which she invited over 200 journalists, photographers and bloggers to cover her event. She accommodated all of them on an airplane as they follow her to 7 countries for 7 concerts in 7 days which is quite a daunting feat. As the crew flew from one country to London, they became disgruntled because they had not seen Rihanna for days because she remained in her first class suite and didn't show her face at all. The journalists began to display all kinds of tantrums like chanting her name so she can show up, one Australian guy ran down the airplane aisle naked and another reporter made a missing report on Rihanna showing all her statistics (pictured). Hmmm, didn't know her eyes are green, sexy!

WHY DO MEN STARE AT WOMEN?

What can this old man do about what he's staring at now?

There was a time in my life when a large percentage of my friends were men as I never got along well with most women because of our belligerent nature and the ability to hold a grudge till death comes. In my hanging out with men, there were some things I noticed that were quite irksome. One of them was how the guys I was chilling out with would stare at a girl that was passing by until she turns into a corner, gets into a car, drives away, falls flat on her face or simply disappear from the heat of their eyes.

No matter how interesting what we were discussing happened to be, once a lady passes by, especially if the lady happens to be endowed, the discussion will end immediately, this stupid silence will then ensue and some of them may even lick their lips as if their body fluid has suddenly ran dry. Obviously, as a woman, it was annoying because I would look at the chick long and hard to see what was so interesting and hardly saw anything.

Food? No, staring is more satisfying.

What exactly do men think about when they look at women like that? Some of them look at you so hard you begin to feel naked or begin to check yourself to see maybe your shirt is tucked into your exposed panties or maybe you forgot to wear bra with a transparent top.

That's the kind of embarrassment that may happen.

The part I hate the most is when the staring man is with a woman and he is staring at another woman. I have seen this happen several times, first hand and recipient mode. It's kinda complimentary when you are the lady a man with a woman is staring at because women are too competitive and you would feel like you have won some lame ass game. But when you are with a guy and he starts to stare at another girl, it hurts like hell, especially if he's your date or worse if he's your boyfriend or fiancee.

Even men of God

I once had a situation where a guy stared at me so hard, he bumped into someone head first. Another guy was on the road side and was staring at me until he got hit by a car coming from behind him. Seriously, is it really worth it? Personally, I think if you like the way a girl looks, instead of staring like an owl, walk up to her and say something. But if you are with a chick, if you have any respect for her at all, do not stare at other women, it is disrespectful and shows that you are very greedy.

Even the most powerful men

Do not stare at another woman when you are already with a girl especially if the person you are staring at is very gorgeous or has bigger boobs or bigger backside. It is just not fair. I'm not a guy so I do not know if girls stare at other guys while they are with their boyfriends or fiancee. So share your thoughts!

LADY GAGA'S BOYFRIEND

Lady GaGa and her boyfriend she lovingly calls T.

Yeah, it was weird hearing that the Queen of Freak is doing well in her personal life as well. With her fame, craziness and bizarre behaviour, it is really hard to picture Lady GaGa with a man in her life, she just seemed like one of those types who would breed children by herself, no courtship, no marriage, no sperm needed.

She's been known to be nice as an individual, she truly cares for her fans so it is just plausible that she is in a relationship with a gorgeous guy. So who is this boyfriend? His name is Taylor Kinney, he is a hunk, you know those tall, muscular, rugged type, right? Some of us may have seen him in Vampire Diaries where he played a wolf. We all saw the ripped muscles in the tv series because as a werewolf, he had to shed his clothing to reveal his true self. He said what drew him to the star was that she reminded him of his own mother, isn't that what every guy wants? A sexy version of their mothers.

The pair met on Lady GaGa's music video set and hit it off although they took a break at a point because of Lady GaGa's demanding job but the couple are back together. They even celebrated one year anniversary! So Lady GaGa is human after all. Can't wait to see her breed!

Just look at them, this is so beautiful.

BARRACK & MICHELLE OBAMA DIVORCE STORY!

We heard that Michelle Obama was going to file for divorce from the new President of the United States of America, Barrack Obama, before the presidential campaign but the First Lady was advised to stay with him as in any political race in America, it is important for the wife to be at the husband's side. I wish this particular law applied to our Nigerian politicians. Most definitely, Michelle has already changed her mind by now as she has been seen by Obama's side all through the campaign and after his victory. Who wouldn't want to be with the most powerful man in the world and then again, what marriage doesn't have his trials? We wish the presidential couple the best!

LATEST NEWS: HAS JUSTIN BIEBER & SELENA GOMEZ BROKEN -UP?

See how bored Selena looks, other girls would go crazy if Biebs touched them

Happier times, I love this positioning. lol

The young couple who have been dating more than 2 years seem to have broken up and sources say they seperated because of their gruelling schedules. Celebrity relationships hardly last this long especially if they are this young because they would not see each other as often as they like, then again, we weren't exactly expecting them to end up in marriage. There has been various speculations in the past that caused rifts between the couple, like the fact that Justin Bieber is usually displeased with Selena whenever she wears high heels when they are together. This is because Selena stands at a higher height than the You Tube sensation. Some people have also said that Selena has been tired of the relationship for a while but stays with Bieber because of his fame, this is funny though as Selena received death threats from Biebers' crazed female fans when they started dating. There was also the issue where Bieber was very mad at Harry Styles, one of the boy band One Direction who made advances towards Selena Gomez.We would be looking forward to the couples' new relationship as it is always fodder for the tabloid.

TWILIGHT STARS WEDDING BELLS

Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson, the stars of Twilight Saga, who played the part of Edward and Bella, are reportedly making preparations to get hitched! This is kind of hard to believe considering the major drama the couple just went through. Kirsten Stewart was said to have cheated on Robert Pattinson with the Director of her movie "Snow White and the Huntsmen". 

Some people said maybe Kirsten preferred "old wrinkled penises" as the director was way older than she is. Robert forgave his girlfriend and now they may be getting married! If this is true or if it even happens at all, then Robert is a great guy as there's hardly a guy out there who will forgive a cheating girlfriend. The couple will be seen on the big screen in the last installment of the Twilight movie "Breaking Dawn part 2" which will hit all cinemas on November 16, 2012.

GOLDIE WEDS PREZZO!!! SAYS WHO?

Prezzo and Goldie, they look cute together but this guy is just not right for her

The latest hot gist is that Goldie, the very flamboyant Nigerian musician is secretly married to her fellow Big Brother Africa contestant Prezzo. If this is true, then Goldie doesn't know what's really good for her. We all know girls usually like bad guys but not enough to get married to them, come on! We all saw how Prezzo treated Goldie on BBA especially behind her back, that's not a good quality of a future husband not even of a boyfriend or a bedmate sef! I hope for Goldie's sake, this news isn't true.

COSSY ORJIAKOR'S FAMOUS BOOBS

Cossy Orjiakor has complained that her natural gigantic boobs are getting even larger and this has caused her to have back ache. The lady's unique selling point is giving her trouble by causing strain on her back so we are wondering if she's considering getting a breast reduction. Some women who have suffered from this same discomfort opted for a breast reduction, like Queen Latifah, Drew Barrymore, Whoopi Goldberg, Victoria Beckham had her silicone removed!. I guess most Nigerian women do not choose breast reduction because our men like big boobs too much.

EVA ALORDIAH, THE SUPER STAR

Eva Alordiah, the gradually rising star who is a Nigerian rapper has split ways with Trybe Records her record label. Trybe Records is owned by the popular artiste Eldee and this falling out is a surprise considering that the record deal was signed in May 2012. People have speculated that there's more to the story but the record label has released a statement that they do not work anymore with the beautiful rapper and wish her the best in life. Getting a record label is an ordeal, let's hope Eva will find someone to pick her up soon as she does not exactly have any hit single in the music market. However, her face can sell anything, so she should get lucky.

HOT NIGERIAN VIXENS

I have never really understood the reason some ladies resort to prostitution and hang around corners, filthy bars, crazy clubs or other places at night looking for men that will patronize their veejayjay. When I'm driving at night past some areas around the Island or the mainland, I see beautiful girls strolling on the road with skirts that look like panties and they will stare at a car passing by with hopeful eyes. Some bold ones will whistle at the driver or push out their chests as soon as the headlights shine on them, the way a trader would sing about what she's selling as soon as she sees a prospective buyer.

I love this picture, can you see the sexy lady running away from the cam? lmao!

What amazes me these days are the crop of girls who are into prostitution, when I sometimes try to get a glimpse of their faces, I see young, beautiful and well dressed ladies very similar to those you see in the afternoon walking in broad daylight. Those kind of girls that you may even admire their physical shape, cleanliness, swag or manner of speech when you come in contact with them. It made me begin to wonder how anybody especially men who are hoping to settle down can now differentiate between a prostitute and a decent working-class lady.

I remember when we were growing up, some of us saw those aunties in our neighbourhood that people would refer to as "Ashewo". One thing I remember quite well was that they never looked tidy, they always were unkempt, loud, dirty, brash and everything a man's wife isn't. They present themselves as typical women of the night, they do not go out of their ways to look tidy, they just bare enough body parts to make a man's manhood respond. So these ladies were usually scantily clad, heavily made-up, smokers, drinkers, with bad hair and very bad manners.

How much? Road side.

Today, our ladies of the night seem to have stepped up. They are now finer than the average Nigerian girl who is searching for a boyfriend, fiancee or husband to make a woman out of her. Thanks to the various spas springing up in Lagos, the prostitutes in Lagos now look more decent than hardworking chicks out there as most of these prostitutes have the best skin you will ever see. These girls are mostly very light-skinned because their work is at night, they do not expose their skin to the harsh glare of the sun, so they look very radiant when they come out at night. They dress well, they even wear expensive clothing and they carry themselves in a dignified gait. Unlike before when they wore rags, painted their faces and demonstrated by the road side in a loud way.

So a thought occurred to me, if these girls can go an extra mile to look considerably decent even though they sell their bodies for money, why can't they just do it the "right" way. Do not get me wrong. These girls have already signed up for a life of debauchery, anal sex, blow jobs, sado-masochism, the risk of being used for rituals and other horrific things by choosing this particular job, right? They are well aware of the fact that their lives could end any time considering that they deal with total strangers whose intentions may never be known to them until they get into a hotel room together. They know that they can contract vicious venereal diseases as a result of having too many sexual partners and may not have a normal future because of what these diseases does to the reproductive organs. So why do they hawk themselves by the roadside? It's a high risk job, yes, but make millions while you are at it.

Office style

My point is this, guys will always approach an attractive lady when they see one and there are places where ladies can go if they wish to meet men with serious money. Parties, high-class clubs, shows, anywhere but not the road side. Why do prostitution of #2,000 per day? Seriously. Get a legal job, especially one that entails trying to bring clients to invest in your company, sleep with all of them and get your cut out of it, shikena!. That's Legal prostitution, it is way better than the curbside strolling they do at night which is not as lucrative as targeting rich men, climbing the corporate ladder and living a life of luxury all with the power of your body since you are selling it.

I'm sure this isn't what it looks like, hehehe

Some girls go into prostitution for years and have nothing in their account by the time their bodies have responded to gravity, sagging like a balloon filled with water. There's a famous lady in Lagos, she's very endowed and all. People think she's a high class prostitute, calling her all sorts of demeaning names and she does not even mind what anyone thinks of her as she struts her stuff at any opportunity she gets. She flaunts her half-naked body whenever she feels like it and pays no attention to snide comments about her liberties. Today, she owns mansions in Lagos, she has properties in expensive residential areas that those who vilify her all the time cannot dream of acquiring in 20 years. Now, this is what I'm talking about! Even if she's a prostitute, she's building herself with her body! It's not like she's half as attractive as the girls we all see on Lagos roads at night. This particular chick knows her business well and she's already living life like a normal working class lady.

So all those girls trying to be classy on the roadside at night should just quit bothering themselves. Whether you wear Prada, Gucci, Armani or Louis Vuitton, you will only appear as wearing rags as long as you sell yourself short by catwalking on the road for all sorts of men. A wise man once said, anything worth doing at all is worth doing well. Share your thoughts!

NIGERIAN MUSIC INDUSTRY: THE RICH VS THE HOPEFULS

There is something very peculiar about the Nigerian Music Industry that is also very unpleasant. It is very much characterized by the slavery mentality. Our fore-fathers suffered so much that the brainwashing by the white people still affects their generations till this day. The white people made the black people believe that "everything white" is superior, which is why today, everything remotely close to foreign is held supreme. The  Nigerian music industry has unconsciously stipulated certain achievements as the criteria for success and there are even various categories. The cogent one being the criteria of being an imported talent, imported character, imported money, in short, imported everything.

There's a particular category of musicians who are the posh ones and they are usually just returned from foreign states in the world. It seems there's some form of superior perception of those musicians who have been to foreign countries especially if they spent some few years over there. What is most annoying about these artistes is that they do not wish to come to their home country initially but after suffering in a foreign country where they are seen as inferior citizens with no one paying any heed to them, they then decide to come home to the brainwashed slaves who will worship them and whatever they have to offer. Some people believe once you travel abroad, you are automatically a kind of deity. So these musicians come here with affected accents, twisting their tongues and showing mannerisms they adopted from foreign cultures which of course fascinates people and draws the wanted attention.

  

Most of these music artistes that quickly gain the attention and fandom of Nigerians are those whose families are very influential. They are usually very handsome or beautiful, very attractive people in general as we all know that money has its ways of making anyone gorgeous. The fact is that in any society especially one like the Nigerian society, many people like to associate with the rich as it seems to give them a feeling of belonging to the class they continually strive for. Even those who are church rats will continue to laud the music of the rich children instead of their comrades from Ajegunle. They savour news about the rich musicians who have just acquired the same ride as Kanye West, Jay Z or Snoop Dogg. They are hungry for every single detail about what goes on in the rich musicians' lives and will give them the best unpaid-for publicity in the world "word of mouth" which turns them into immediate celebrities. These rich musicians practically buy the love and attention of thousands because of the idea that they are the La creme de La creme. They hardly need the money of those who buy their albums as music is a hobby for them not the job that feeds them.

When they hold concerts, the event is decorated with dignitaries who are friends with their affluent parents or Arab money and this makes more Nigerians wow at these privileges. Some of these rich musicians are hardly talented, they can hardly sing or rap or even have a decent stage presence but because money can buy swag, they are celebrated. Being rich totally obliterates the need for talent and we begin to get used to hearing them screech on our radios just because we want to be associated with class. They are connected to people in radio stations, Alaba market, Deejays, Television stations, international cable channels who act as the pillars behind them and continue to promote their music so much that we do not know when we begin to nod our heads and sing along to their inane music. Once an artiste is from abroad and comes to the Nigerian music scene, he or she is readily given a stamp of approval with no test at all unlike the ones who live their whole lives among us, no, those ones are just ordinary. Most of these rich artistes have signed sweet endorsement deals with big companies in the country and like the vicious cycle, the rich artistes becomes richer

. Nigerian celebrities that fall into this category include:

 

GOLDIE, this is one artiste that's obviously having fun as she seems to play "dress up" instead of music most of the time. She is from a rich home with very educated parents, her costumes are usually imported and she is sometimes called "the Nigerian Lady GaGa".

BANKY W, cocky, dapper and the guy we love to hate. He entered the music industry with a rip off of Rihanna's "Umbrella" and we just embraced him with no originality. He is already building a music empire. Etisalat, Coca-cola and Samsung endorsements. Hmm.

TIWA SAVAGE,  now this lady is very talented, she has paved the way for other female artistes in Nigeria. But many say, her rapid success is due to the fact that she is kind of foreign and also has amazing connections. Pepsi endorsement.

DAVIDO, he just came from nowhere, slept with a college student and blew up like fireworks. His families are very politically connected and he does not need us to buy his album but we all rock his songs all the time! Mtn Endorsement

LYNXX, very attractive guy, looks like a movie action hero, muscle, cute lips, good height. When you see this guy, you can just smell money from afar. Many Nigerian women keep wishing he was theirs. Studied in the US and all. Pepsi endorsement.  These are the foremost music artistes that are known to music-loving Nigerians and there are many more. They are not all talentless but people tend to accept musicians of their status more quickly than they do those "upcoming artistes" who grew up in Nigeria and have struggled to put their names on everyone's lips all to no avail.  However, there is also that category of very rich musicians in Nigeria who passed through our indigenous process to stardom. We all watched as they metamorphosed from "rags to riches", from "Mushin to Mo'hits", from oblivion to stardom. We all saw their journey, their struggles, their participation in talent shows, their victories and how they have achieved international acclaim today. These people are us, we see reflections of our dreams in them, they make us know that even if our parents do not know the President, there is always hope of making our names famous some day. Next post will be all about them. Share your thoughts!